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A Day in the Life of a Director of General Sociability

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My Human says I did so well covering for him last time that I’ve got the job permanently.  I think he’s just trying to get out of doing it myself but as I’m still on furlough and my application to join the COVID-19 sniffer dog team was rejected, I do have a bit of time on my paws.

This week, I’d like to tell you a bit about a typical day in the life of a Director of General Sociability. 

My day starts at around 6am when my Human wakes up to take one of the small humans to the school bus stop.  My first job of the day is to work out whether he will be returning to take me for a walk or whether I’m being left at home with the Lady of The House.  This involves a thorough examination of his clothes as he is getting dressed to establish whether he is putting on his dog walking outfit or those horrible clothes he wears in the office when he leaves without me.

Having established the right clothes are being put on, I show my enthusiasm for the day ahead by leaping into the air and checking my tail is still attached to my butt and in full working order for a day’s wagging at strangers in the office.  It’s quite difficult to check one’s own tail status and does involve a certain amount of mad running in circles.

We’re out of the door for our morning walk at 7.30am and this gives my human and I a chance for a bit of a chat to discuss the day ahead.  I suffer the daily humiliation of him referring to himself as ‘Daddy’ at this point.  I wouldn’t mind so much but my real father is a Field Trial Champion for Rex’s sake whereas my Human couldn’t find his arse with both hands.  I put up with this embarrassment as my Human does have one redeeming feature – he can throw a ball.  I don’t want to talk his ability up too much, though, as another walker recently commented ‘Good arm!’ when he was throwing it and ever since he’s acted like he’s bloody Ben Stokes.  He now hurls my precious ball into the distance leaving Muggins here to chase dutifully after it.  I’ve seen him check which direction the wind is blowing before he throws it, though – he’s fooling no-one but himself.

On arrival at the office, I gallop in at full speed, whilst doing my ‘articulated dog’ manoeuvre which involves running forward whilst the whole of my back end is going sideways in unison with my tail.  It’s a tricky move to pull off but it’s always well received.

I generally then settle down on my office dog bed situated behind my Human’s desk, although I sometimes sit right up against his chair to make sure he cannot move a muscle without me sitting bolt upright ready for action.

I have a range of methods for greeting visitors.  It’s always nice to be able to present a gift to a new visitor and provided she isn’t wearing it, Pat (Steve Petty’s long-suffering secretary -Ed) kindly let’s me take her cardigan off the back of her chair to present to our guests.  I think it’s these little touches of kindness that make our visitors feel really welcome.

Sometimes a guest manages to enter the office without noticing me.  I find pressing my nose against a leg usually gets their attention.  One lady visitor recently jumped for joy when I introduced myself in this way (Beatle does sometimes fail to properly understand human reactions to his presence.  In this case, the lady concerned performed what amounted to a vertical take-off upon feeling something cold and moist against her leg.  If you’ve never seen this feat of athleticism performed by someone wearing four-inch heels then it’s difficult to describe but the landing was quite spectacular – Ed).

After all that excitement it’s back home for an evening of lying upside down on the sofa.

My call to paws this week is to remind everyone to check out the other posts on our blog here

Author: Beatle

Date: 18 December 2020